woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
