I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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