Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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