i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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