my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
