dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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