If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
