i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
