Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
