I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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