Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
