Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Boobs are out for the taking
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
