How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Boobs speak an international language.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
