Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
