We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
