Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
