CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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