she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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