Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
