haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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