We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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