well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
