I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
