Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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