if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
