Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
