Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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