Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Mom said you looked used
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
