so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its not stalking. its research.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
