Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
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