There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
