I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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