I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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