i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
