my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We left an ass print on the piano.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
