dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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