she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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