I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
