if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize