i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
