Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
