The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
