i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I party with great urgency now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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