I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
