There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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