i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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