i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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