It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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