I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
