hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
