I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
