his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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