Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
