I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
