After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
