You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
