Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
