I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize