would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't turn off my feet"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
