My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
