She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
