I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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