I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
