I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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