I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
