i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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