therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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