Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize