21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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