Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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