I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
