I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
