Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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