it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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