I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
