I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
