Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
