Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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