Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
