ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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