and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
