Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
