I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
