babies were throwing up all over the place
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
