sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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