i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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