i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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