How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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