nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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