"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
