drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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