I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize