Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
