just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
