you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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