Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
