wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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