It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
