This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
