Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
