His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
