stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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