the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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