I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize