So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
