Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
