Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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