So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
