This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
