I think i sorta joined a cult last night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How does it feel to date your dad?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize