need another drink. this is the easiest way
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
