i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
