I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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