mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
