i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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