question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
