Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
