do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize