We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
