Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize