you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
