I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
