I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
