I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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