Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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